Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
So here I am two weeks into this and I have no idea what I am doing. Like not a red-hot clue… and that is AWESOME! I know that is a strange statement, but I have been thinking through something that happened a year ago last week and I think it provides an interesting parallel to this strange journey.
I am a teacher, but I am also a firefighter in my community. In the summers I work part time in Waterton National Park on a firefighter/EMS crew. If you aren’t familiar with Waterton you should look it up, and then come to visit. It is one of my favorite places on earth, a beautiful townsite on the edge of a lake in the Rocky Mountains surrounded by forests and hiking trails.
Last year it was a really hot and dry summer. It had been months since we had had any type of measurable moisture. On August 30th a thunderstorm formed over the mountains south-west of the park and multiple lightning strikes were detected. Due to the extremely dry weather as soon as it was safe to do so a helicopter took off to survey the forest and see if any of the strikes had caused fires. One had, but in the short time it took them to get in the air and perform their check, the fire was already too big and moving too fast for them to drop crews in to work on it. This fire was named the Kenow fire. They did what they could to fight it over the next several days. On September 2nd the fire traveled 7km (4.3 miles) overnight, more than doubling in size. On September 5th they put the Townsite in the park under an evacuation alert and told residents to be prepared to leave within an hour if they were asked. Crews continued to fight and monitor the fire for the next few days. They used helicopters dropping water on some points and dropping “Dragon Eggs”, which look like ping pong balls that light on fire, on other points to try to burn out areas ahead of the fire. Other than a few small spot fires they were able to keep it west of the continental divide that forms the border of the park. But the fire continued to grow. On September 8th the smoke was so thick they couldn’t accurately tell where the fire was or what it was doing. Based on that and the fire’s potential for rapid growth the decision was made to evacuate the townsite. For three more days they were able to hold the continental divide and keep the fire out of the park even though the fire nearly doubled in size again and began heading south towards another mountain pass that could lead it to the townsite. Emergency planners from the province were there helping to coordinate efforts. I remember one of them saying at one point that they had been to some big fires over the years, like Slave Lake, and Fort McMurray, but they had never seen a fire like this one. It was no longer a matter of IF the Fire made it to the townsite, it was simply a matter of WHEN. The smoke was so thick that even 55 km away (34 miles) the sky over the temple in Cardston was black in the middle of the afternoon.
I know it seems strange to most people but I love being a firefighter. I love walking into a burning building or towards a car crash with just my gear, my training, and my fellow firefighters to keep me safe. So while everyone else was packing up and leaving the area, I just wanted to go in. As scary as this fire was, there was no place I wanted to be more than right there in front of it. And I was going to get my wish. I was scheduled to be there on one of the potential days that they were forecasting the fire to come down the Akamina pass towards the townsite. But a day or two before that happened my Chief decided that he didn’t want me in the Park and he had my schedule changed and someone else took my shift. If you don’t know me very well I should tell you that it takes a lot to make me really upset. But when my chief asked me to give away my shift… I was so mad. This was the biggest fire our area had ever seen, it was threatening one of my favorite places on earth, and he wanted me to stay home!?! I was SO mad! I had a lot of things I wanted to say, but I knew that none of them were things I should say. First, my parents had told me not to say those kinds of words, and second, I knew that telling my Chief what I thought right then would not go well. I just didn’t understand. All I could focus on was that the thing I thought I should be doing I couldn’t do. It felt like I was being benched during the big game.
I could tell you the rest of the story, but for this week, maybe it doesn’t really matter. I thought I knew where I should be and what I should be doing, but really, I was just looking at things wrong. I was focused on me, my part, my story, my adventure. My Chief was looking at a much larger picture. My spiritual story is not so different. I could sit around and be mad at myself, someone else, or even my Heavenly Father because I am not where I wanted to be, or I can trust in him and know that he sees a bigger picture than I do. In fact, he sees the whole picture, and already knows the end to my story. As much as I might want to know how this all ends and where it will lead, I really hate spoilers.
I have been listening to a book on tape by Al Carraway. If you don’t know who she is, you’re missing out. She has an incredible story and such an incredibly positive attitude in the face of some tremendous trials. You can check out her blog here. I want to share a quote from her with you (emphasis added by me), “what it is you need to know is that if you are willing, and if you just try, you WILL find yourself in places you never would have dreamed of, doing things you never would have thought of, becoming better, becoming the person Heavenly Father has wanted you to become all along.” I have spent so many years thinking about what I want to “be” someday that I think I lost sight of what I want to do. Focusing on the end goal made me complacent. It made me sit by and wait for that “someday” that would magically arrive. Instead, I need to be focusing on what I want to do. I really want to bless the lives of those around me. I want to be a force for good wherever I go. Whatever it is that I need to “be” to accomplish that goal, I will gladly accept. I’m not going to suddenly arrive anywhere. But I will take little steps each day trying my best to do what I think and feel I should be doing. Even when I don’t have a clue why I am doing it, or where I am going.
Elder Bednar spoke at a recent seminar with mission presidents and their companions at the Provo Missionary Training Center. He said, “We should not be surprised, for example, if impressions or promptings simply guide us to stop, to go, to open our mouths, to remain silent, to slow down, to press forward more rapidly, or to consider an option or course of action that may seem unusual.” Revelation, he said, focuses upon the “what” more than the “why.” Perhaps I can add in my own perspective that revelation focuses more upon what we should “do” not necessarily what we should “be”.
My heavenly father has always been there for me. He has always guided me whenever I would let him, but it is almost never in the way I expected or wanted to be led. The guidance I receive doesn’t come in the form of a complete map with a picture of the destination. It’s more of a scavenger hunt with clues along the way. But I have felt his love so abundantly when I keep pressing forward. I think sometimes he even laughs (in a loving way) watching me try to figure out the clues. But he is always there.
I want to leave you with two last quotes.
We may not see angels, hear heavenly voices, or receive overwhelming spiritual impressions. We frequently may press forward hoping and praying—but without absolute assurance—that we are acting in accordance with God’s will. But as we honor our covenants and keep the commandments, we can walk with confidence that God will guide our steps.
Elder David A. Bednar
You may not have gone where YOU had in mind, but you will end up where you need to be, with better blessings.
Al Carraway
So there you go, being clueless can be awesome! If you do it right.
p.s. Don’t worry I will finish the story about the fire. I won’t leave you hanging for too long.
